Things aren't going good.
Today was just a BLAH kind of day. Nothing too fun. I really just wanted to leave. I was pretty much ignored by Pam and Tony the whole day. I worked while they talked each other's ears off. And then, they were talking about me when I was right behind them. I didn't hear exactly what they said, but all I heard was, "He's a nice guy." from Tony. Which makes me think that Pam was talking negatively about me. Oh well, she never really has liked me, just put up with me.
Tony got 2 cards today, and so every head cashier was so god damn proud, and rubbing it in my face. I've only gotten 2 this month so far, and Maggie said, "Oh it looks like you cooling down." Yeah, thanks. REAL helpful.
I just don't feel respected there. It seems like everything I have to say is brushed over or ignored. I don't have any real friends up there much less the rest of the store. I'm just me, and I work there. Never get invited anywhere or anything. It also seems like I'm a doormat for others. Other people don't want to do it, they make me do it. They scheduled me closing the day after Thanksgiving for Godsakes, only to open the next day. That is brutal. Sharon said I have to leave by midnight. There has to be at least 8 hours in between your shifts. Well, the thing is if I leave at midnight, I wouldn't get home and in bed until 12:15, and then I'd have to wake up at 6:30 to get ready. I need a half hour just to wake up. So, the most sleep I'll get that night is 6 hours and 15 minutes. Yuck. I need my sleep, and I need a lot of it.
Work is so stressful nowadays. With overworking myself in school and work, something's gotta give. School is way more important, but I like the people at work too. But, usually I'm not liked back. At least that's the way it feels now. All I ask is to be respected, but I'm not. The head cashiers, Lucy, and other TMs don't respect me. I want to be a part of the team, but I've done everything possible. I don't want to wait for the day when they are ready to let me be a part of the team, I've been there 2 years now. I should've been a 'team member' a long time ago.
I'm always the last picked too, for good things anyways. When Krista called the service desk, and I answered, I heard her hesitating whether or not to let me give her a break. She knew I would have gone apeshit if she didn't pick me. That's why it doesn't feel like she picked me because she didn't want to.
I turned in my time off for Christmas Eve and a few days prior. I hope to at least get Xmas Eve off. I really don't want to be there during the holidays. Everyone's so happy and I'm so miserable. I'm expecting them to deny it, so I'll have yet another sad Christmas. Things aren't the same, and it sucks because the never will be.
Well, I suppose I better go. See y'all later.
I know it's a departure from my usual posts, but things will get better...I hope.
I don't work until Thursday, so hopefully things will settle down.
Sunday, November 14, 2004
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